Jumping Off The Wheel

Photo borrowed from: https://www.google.com/amp/s/lifemeetstheology.com/2016/07/20/the-hamster-wheel-ecclesiastes-14-11/amp/


Welcome to The Wheel!
Enjoy your endless ride!
Run within!
Scurry about!
For pellets,
Cage and pride!

Dignity denied!
Fellow rats deride!
Rife with guile
Lance with smile
Base, and beady-eyed!

Time to flee
Breaking free
“Status quo”?
Not for me

Drawing breath
Blood of steel
I am Jumping
Off The Wheel

©2017, by Dei Johnson


Learning To Trust Again.

I am a Christian… who does not trust the church.  At all.  Buildings, screens, giant stadium churches, “mega ministries”, glitz and glamor, committees, religious “hierarchy”, etc…

I’d be lying, if I said I did not despise it all.
That’s a heavy statement, I know.

I don’t hate fellow Christians (or anyone else for that matter).  But I do think that as a whole, we / they (generally speaking) are being deceived.  I could be dead wrong.

You see – this perception comes from my experiences.  A wise man once said: “A person’s perceptions are relative to their experiences”.  It seems to me, he was right.  I fully acknowledge that this is where my perceptions come from.

Church is not the only thing I don’t trust.  I have issues with trust concerning a plethora of people, places and things…

But – I’m determined to look from another angle < (using my “photographer’s terminology” here)…

People are people.  People are flawed, messy and ‘human’, As am I.  
To expect another human being to actually be like God, is a setup for major disappointment.  People are not God – no matter how “holy” they (we, I) present themselves.

I’d like to elaborate more, but I’ll save it for another time.  Right now, I’d like to share something.  A link, that perhaps will help someone else out there as well as myself.  It is a “generalized” topic – one that could represent a myriad of situations.

While re-reading – previous site I recently browsed, I clicked on another link from the same site, and happened upon this:


It gave me insight to reflect upon, which I’m grateful for.  I am tired… tired of feeling drained, tired, discouraged, useless, lazy and constantly battling depression.  I have been feeling this way for so long, I cannot remember a time when I haven’t felt this way (with few breaks in the cloud here and there).

But – life is life, and I must continue onward.  To grow, to change, to learn, to live – to love.  In spite of any and all that life has thrown, and will throw at me.

And so…

My journey continues.  Please remember me when you pray.  I will pray for you (whomever you are reading this).

Thank you.

Love & Peace ♥️✌️

– Dei


Food for Thought From a Jesus-Loving-ADHD-Semi-Hippie/Bohemian-on-the-“Wait” (Say that fast, 3 Times)

I happened upon an interesting article, recently.  The title of the article is called “How to Pray when He (God) seems slow to answer”.


I know all about “waiting”.  I’ve been waiting for an answer since 2003.   14 years.

Considering that I’m not getting any younger, it feels like a long time.


I’ve been discouraged numerous times over the years, and ‘feeling’ greatly discouraged almost constantly.


Gratitude?  Yes, I know.  I’ll be honest… mustering up gratitude with honest feeling is more than difficult.  I always feel like: “Yes, God – I know you know how I really feel deep down inside anyway, so why put on a “false face”, and lie…?


Then – in comes the guilt, because I know my selfish butt should be exceedingly grateful, as I have been the recipient of incredible grace through many circumstances in my life.


The daily struggle (within) has become rather wearying, and I often feel “thisclose” to simply giving up.  That’s when I know that even though He seems far away, and I can’t “feel” Him, He is certainly there, because I just can’t seem to actually give up.  In fact, almost weekly (daily?), I end up saying “You know what?  I give up.  The emptiness is more than I can bear.  The lonliness.  The discouragement.  The depression.  The insane boredom.  The waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting some more”… But then, the next day, I get up – toss on my inner “Wonder Woman” gear, and continue on.  Limping, but moving.


You know that saying by MLK?  The one that says “If you can’t fly, run.  If you can’t run, walk.  If you can’t walk, crawl – but by all means, keep moving” <— (may be paraphrased – I’m going from perceived memory, here lol)


Me?  Sometimes, I feel like I’m barely crawling.  So, what is the next step… “creeping”? Hahaha!  Yeah, that’s me.  Flat face down, crawling with tired arms, dragging the rest of myself with me (metaphorically speaking).  I’ll tell you the truth – that’s what I feel like most of the time.


I won’t blame ADHD, or depression, or anxiety, or any other of the challenges I face daily.  Why?  Because I know that there are a hell of a lot of people out there that feel the same way, even without these challenges.


When we are young we start out feeling “ready to take on the world”, and “Chase our dreams” – even if we spent our youth being discouraged by well – meaning (and maybe not so well meaning) people.


The world tells us:  “Hey, if you haven’t made it yet – you haven’t worked hard enough”.  Or “smart enough”.  Or whatever formula one is fed by those who have “made it” in whatever fashion they desired.  Even Christians will tell you “You don’t have enough faith”.  Or: “You have angered God, and you’re being punished”. Or: “You’re not praying hard enough / Going to church on Sunday / saying all the right things / doing all of the right things”…. well… from a strictly religious point of view, maybe not – but in my experience, God’s point of view, and “religious” points of view are often polar opposites.


I’m not the going to share a bunch of bible verses here to support my points.  I figure if someone wants to know, they can just do what I do:  Google key words in verses I remember that have stuck in my mind and spirit over the years.  I always end up on “Biblegateway”, because they have many different translations.  Even the direct translation from Aramaic.


And even those who feel that the Bible has passed through too many hands to be accurate…?  That may well be fact.  But the thing is – certain things I read, I can directly relate to.  It’s not all about just “do’s and don’ts”.  I get insight from those little bible stories I read as a child.


The deep mourning and struggles of David.  The struggles with trust of Sarah (Abraham’s wife).  The ridiculously long waiting  (I’m sure it felt like it to him, anyway) of Joseph.  The frustration & anger and feelings of insecurity of Moses… and… the denial of Peter.  And these are a drop in the bucket. Every single person in the Bible struggles, or has some kind of weakness, but God uses them anyway.


Oh yes… I can identify with these struggles all too well.  These “Bible Characters” were *people*.  Not perfect by any means.  Greatly and deeply flawed.  In fact – some (like me) – *insanely* so. Lol!


Anyway, the point…?  God’s grace.


*Especially* in the New Testament. But even in the Old Testament – people tend to focus on the harshness of the Old Testament, and I won’t disagree.  It does indeed seem harsh…


Which makes the New Testament (or “covenant”). Seem all the more relevant, and amazing… Yes, the men and women who attempted to record, and pass down the words in the Bible were flawed…


But God…?  Is not.


That is my own personal belief, anyway.  Far be it from me, to force my beliefs upon anyone else, but – as flawed as I am, and – Yeah, well – *beyond* flawed…


You have no idea.  As I am typing this, autocorrect has tried to incorrectly correct my typing many times, and each time, I’ve muttered a curse or two at it. Lol!  Hey, I’m just being honest. 🤷🏽‍♀️😂


Yeah – I’m just one of those peculiar people who really believes that Jesus is the Son of God / IS God / IS the Word, etc.


I do.  I just view Him from a different perspective than most religious people I know.  I’ve done the “religious” thing.  Guess what?  It doesn’t work.  It interferes with the “Spirit”.


That has been my personal experience.  Other’s experiences might be different, and I respect that your views / perspective / perception may be different, based on your own personal experiences.  Everyone is different.  We are not clones.  God didn’t make us all the same. Just as there are different types of flowers, trees, etc – made for different things, uses and purposes- such it’s is the same for us.


If you ask me – God is the *ultimate* Artist.  The Original Artist.  I mean after all – The Bible does say “He Created”, doesn’t it? Eh? 🤔😏😁

The “Big Bang”?  Sure.  Maybe.  Technically, it’s just a theory. However, even if that theory was undisputed truth, I believe God did it.  I don’t believe that the Universe is God – I believe that the Universe is a creation – created by God.  One of the ultimate masterpieces.  How cool is it, that God considers us – we humans, with all of our flaws and… well – you know.  Just look at the world, and you get what I mean…  That God considers us His greatest creation, is pretty humbling to me…  Anyway, now that I’ve just inserted this “adhd-attention-span-of-a-gnat” sidenote – Onward to the conclusion of this post (heehee!) ——>

Related image

Ever wonder “who or what” created the “Big Bang”…?  Food for thought (for another time).  **Photo borrowed from Youtube, via Google Images.  I think it’s part of a video about the Big Bang.


Yes.  I tend to ramble (as I’m sure you are all aware of by now).  An so – In the interest of not putting anyone to sleep I’ll stop here, and just share the link that I happened upon randomly while browsing the decor sections, and Spongebob quote         t- shirts on Pinterest (so random) hahaha!


Hopefully this will encourage anyone out there who is struggling.  Know, that you are not alone.  Peace Out.  Link to interesting article is below. 🙂